Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
