Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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