her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
