You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
