I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
