Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just threw up on my dentist
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
God, I missed his penis.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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