If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
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When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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