I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
