I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
