We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
