New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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