I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
that's an acceptable place to lick
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
