You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
