drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
