Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
