we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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