Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
pop tarts are not kleenex
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
