giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
