Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
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