made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
