she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
