Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
