census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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