I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
