Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
