I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
