so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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