a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
