you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
