I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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