me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
