i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize