who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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