Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Everything about him screamed your future.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
