I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
