everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
