I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
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