he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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