Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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