I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
