areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
