dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
