I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
