it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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