WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
