I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Randomize
