saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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