Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
