I never want to see another naked old woman again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
