I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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