I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
