You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
