I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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