Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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