So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
