so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
