Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
