I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
