they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
