It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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