I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize