I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
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