i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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