It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
