I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
