Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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